I am not sure if it is coincidence or not that week 4 of re-routing was called “fog area.” I was tempted not to share a blog this week because my prayer life was dry –no, more like distracted. Between my own physical illness and ailments, and the spiritual “dryness” this week, I was paralyzed and overwhelmed by all the fog in my life. I spent very little time talking with my children. I tried to sit with Jesus in Adoration but I was distracted with life, I tried to read Scripture, and I found myself just going through the motions. And then the attacks came by the Evil one, telling me “you can’t blog about re-routing, you can’t even get your life together this week. You are not loved, you can’t be a missionary disciple– look at you!” And so it went on…
Do you recognize the spiritual battles in your life that prevent you from loving like Jesus loves? I recognize spiritual battles much quicker in my life these days than I ever have before. In fact, there was a time in my life that I didn’t recognize them at all because I didn’t know Jesus and I didn’t recognize the evil one for who he is. I am convinced this week that God was trying to purify my soul and remind me of my nothingness without Him. I finally gave myself permission to sit before the Blessed Sacrament in silence and give Him my emptiness, my spiritual battles, my physical battles and just let Him love me. I realized I did need to share because the Christian life isn’t always easy and it is not always joy (only because I am stubborn and choose to wrestle with God over my will, instead of accepting His will for me). A friend told me this week that the closer you get to Jesus, the stronger the battles. I have nothing that I want to publicly share from my prayer journal this week, but I do have part of a prayer to share from Divine Intimacy that I turn to in times of need:
“O my Jesus, true light, drive away the clouds of ignorance which come from my evil nature, and give me the grace to seek the truth with a sincere heart and to love it: for you, the Incarnate Word, are the Truth. Be the only light on my path, the only Master to guide my steps. I need You, eternal Truth, to liberate me from the slavery of my frailty and wretchedness, and from the passions which often blind my conscience and hinder me from complete adherence to the good and the true which You teach me. Your truth teaches me that You are He who is, and that I am one who is not: that You alone have worth, and I have no value; that You are All, and I am nothing, and if there is any good in me, it is a wholly gratuitous gift from You. O, Jesus, grant that I may seek Your truth and love it, even when it is painful, or when, like a two-edged sword, it lays bare my miseries, my faults, my sins. Let Your truth penetrate my whole being and all my acts: make me courageously reject every light which does not emanate from You!”
Praying to always see the Light in the areas of fog in our lives.