Psalm 56:3- “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
A couple of weeks ago, Fr. Pierre’s homily took us through some of the non-negotiables of being a disciple. I can’t help but think about how we can compartmentalize our lives–how I can compartmentalize my life. I still haven’t turned in my card–not because I don’t think I am a disciple. I haven’t turned my card in because I am not sure I have been the disciple God has called me to be and I want to take more time to pray on some areas of my life. Most areas of my life I have given to God. A few, I have not been able to give up the reins. I know what they are and some days I give them to God and some days I take them back. In the areas that I take back, I know this is where I can have the greatest impact in making disciples of others. And, I, as a disciple, am called to help make more disciples. This card has given me the opportunity to intentionally reflect on where I need to grow in maturity as a disciple. I don’t want to be a check the box disciple– I have done that in my life already. As a widow, I know I can help other widows/widowers know Jesus, as well as anyone who is faced with a life transition. I am even confident in the way that Jesus wants me to do this. I just haven’t done it out of fear of failure. I think re-routing has been chipping away at my fears. Loving God has never been risky, but accepting that God loves me no matter what–that has always been hard for me until recently. That’s because I am trusting Him more. God has allowed me to catch a glimpse of the happiness He brings when I allow Him to love me, when I live as a true disciple in the unique way (as a widow) that he is calling me to do that right now. I am praying that we can all find what God is calling us to do to bring more of our brothers and sisters to Him.
I know you know all my fears, all of my doubts, all of my hopes and all of my dreams. I also know that you have your own hopes and dreams for me. I am pretty sure I know what they are because I have spent enough time talking to you about them! Help relieve my fears so that I might hold nothing back when it comes to bringing others to you. You have started great work in me–you have started great work in all of us. Allow me to let go of all that is not from you. In theses last few weeks of re-routing, help me to be intentional in contemplating what you are asking of me. Don’t let me stand on the sidelines. Give me the courage to get in the game and play it well. Brian, I ask for your intercession as you know me like God knows me. Tonight I pray for our nation. I pray for all of my friends and family. Tonight I pray for a special intention. Please hear my prayer. Amen.