Grief and Joy

Something was different this Advent and Christmas for me. I am not sure if it is because I have been working with people who are grieving or because God just peeled back another layer of my own life. Whatever the case may be, Advent 2017 has been all about God’s Word being revealed through the eyes of a griever. I’ll save this for another post, but I think Our Father is a griever, not in a human way, but in a divine way. He grieves that His beloved sons and daughters do not yet know Him and trust Him completely, and yet, He still loves us unconditionally and waits for us. I am a griever in a very human way. I will be one for the rest of my life here on earth. I am a griever not only because I lost my husband two and a half years ago, but because I am experiencing earthly life as an imperfect person who still questions God’s plan even in the light of my faith. In fact, we are all grievers. We are all grieving something. It may not be death, but it could be divorce, marital discord, rebellious teenagers, aging parents, financial insecurity, and the list goes on. You don’t have to look very hard to see that you are probably grieving something. Before we all fall into despair over the realization that we are all grieving something in this life, there is hope! In fact, I would say there can actually be joy, even in the midst of grief. Please don’t think that I am downplaying the intense pain of any kind of loss. I know first hand the feeling of despair, discouragement, disappointment and excruciating pain from loss. Finding joy can just seem laughable as a griever.
And, Joy, by definition is “great happiness or intense pleasure.” How in the world do we find THAT as a griever?

In today’s first reading, St. John the Evangelist, reminds us what the Old Testament has already told us that from the beginning that we were created by a God who loves us not because we are good, but because He is good. God has revealed to us that His covenant is True, that His Spirit is working in us and that His Son came for our salvation. The disciples have experienced it, they have seen it,and they have watched God’s Word become visible in the flesh. St. John shares this Good News with us so that we, as the disciples of this day and age, can live in friendship with this same Triune God who loves us so “that our joy may also be complete.” The disciples are our witnesses to this amazing God who says to us if you would just “follow” me, I will bring you joy in this life and the next. They are witness to the joy that can come from following Jesus, even in the midst of trials. So, too, we must be witnesses to those we come in contact with everyday! How? We do it the way Jesus did it. Its seems so simple to say, yet, so challenging to do. We do it by putting our trust in a Father who has only our best interest at heart. We put our trust in a Father that loves us more than anyone will ever love us. He didn’t create us to torture us with sorrowful lives, but, He also never said His way would be easy. We have to know this about life. We also need the testimony of those who walked through trials with His Son for real.   And, we need to experience His unconditional love for ourselves. St. John is telling us that they have experienced it. They have experienced the mercy, the healing, the peace that comes from following Jesus. God created us out of love to live a life that follows a path to happiness, not the world’s path, but His path, even unto death. In Jesus’ case, this meant death on a cross.  Our grief, to be sure, is part of our cross.  For so many of us, we have tried it the world’s way to avoid grief and suffering and have been disappointed. Do we have anything to lose to try to walk with our Creator through our grief?

The Gospel today (John 20:1a and 2-8) is usually one that we hear around Easter, but, today we only get the first part of the story–the empty tomb. Today the Gospel ends at the tomb where “the other disciple who Jesus loved…saw and believed.” I can’t help but think that today God is trying to make a point to all of us whom He loves. How often do we run to the tombs in our life? How often do we see the garments of Jesus at our feet in the midst of our trials and grief, yet, we still don’t believe that He is really with us? I know I do. How often in our grief do we think that Jesus has just been taken from our sight to be found no more? This is a lie. Our great joy comes from knowing that whatever we are walking through, He walks with us, He weeps with us, and we are never alone.

Today God has spoken to us through St. John to tell us that He is with us in the trials and grief. He wants us to get to know Him like a trusted friend, like a trusted lover. He, alone, will bring us to a place of eternal joy. He will see us through all of our trials. And, when He does, let us tell everyone we meet of the wondrous work He has done in our lives!

During this Octave of Christmas, let us share, with joy, our faith in a Father who love us beyond measure that He brought us a baby in swaddling clothes to be our Savior! And, I would say, there is no grief in that.

How do I know I can trust God?

Ever since rerouting ended, my personal prayer has centered around what God is calling me to do.  I think I want God to deliver this perfect package to my front door with all of the instructions clearly laid out for me.  And, everyday I just wait for this package and another day goes by where I do nothing.  I may tinker with what I am pretty sure God is calling me to do, but I don’t jump in with both feet because I am afraid I might drown, I am afraid I might fail, I am afraid I might offend someone, I am afraid I may not get the teaching of the Catholic Church exactly right, I am afraid I’ll lose friends, I am afraid I may misinterpret what God is saying to me.  And the fears go on and on!

In today’s 1st reading (Genesis 15:1-12, 17-18), it’s this crazy story about Abraham and cutting all these animals in two pieces.  It has only been in the the last couple of years that I even knew what this meant and I know I am not alone.  Really, it has only been in the last 10 years that I even cared about anything in Scripture that I could apply to my life.  Until, one day, I was going through some stress in my life, and a reading at Mass actually resonated with me and I thought, “I think God is talking to me.”  That was the moment I realized that if I actually paid attention to the readings at Mass, I would receive the gift of God ALWAYS speaking to me.  That moment changed everything for me.  Each week at Mass became a personal competition for me.  I wanted to try to figure out what God was saying to me!  Sometimes I got it right at the moment, sometimes it would take days or weeks to figure out, and yes, sometimes I just never could figure it out.  That’s okay.  God does not stop speaking.  God’s timing is perfect and we will hear what we need to hear when our heart is ready and open.  God is so patient.

Today God said to Abraham and to me, “Fear not, I am your shield, I will make your reward very great.” Abraham questions God, Abraham wants to know how he can trust God, Abraham wants to know that God will come through–we all want to know this very same thing.  So, this is the easy part of the reading that I can understand, but, the rest of the reading about the animals being cut up is not so easy.  This is where most of us in the pews will stop listening because we have no idea what this means.  I will try to explain what I have learned about this and invite you to investigate on your own what this means as it really changes everything that God is trying to say to us.  In today’s world, we sign papers to make a promise or a contract.  In the days of Abraham, there were covenant ceremonies.  When you walked through animals that were split in two, you were essentially saying that if I don’t do what I am promising to do,  may I be cut off, destroyed, ripped to pieces, like these animals. Whoa!  That’s some kind of promise!

“As the sun was about to set, a trance fell upon Abram, and a deep, terrifying darkness enveloped him.  When the sun had set and it was dark, there appeared a smoking fire pot and a flaming torch, WHICH PASSED BETWEEN THOSE PIECES. It was on that occasion that the Lord made a covenant with Abram..”

God is saying to Abraham and He is saying to us, if I break my promise to you, I am willing to be destroyed, and, if YOU break your promise, I am still willing to be destroyed. God never broke His promise.  He sent His Son to die for our broken promises as human beings. That’s amazing and humbling and convicting all at the same time!

How do I know I can trust God?  How many times did Abraham have to trust God throughout the Old Testament? Like Abraham, we will continue to wrestle with God through every trial, every suffering, but the point is, to continue to trust Jesus first, even when you are not sure where you are headed.  This is what Abraham did.  This is what I need to do. This is what I witnessed men doing today.

I was in the church this morning just as the Men’s prayer breakfast was getting out.  I watched men leave to go to work, but I watched other men go into Adoration, or sit in the pews to pray.  I immediately had this strong sense of admiration for these men because they were going to Jesus first before they started their day.  I think we are used to seeing women pray in the church, but there is something about seeing strong men pray on their own, outside of the Mass that makes faith look attractive. I don’t think any of us should underestimate the power of witnessing people– men, women and children– that come before the Lord in prayer.  Children, especially boys, need to see men pray.  Women need to see men pray.  Men that can humble themselves before the Lord.  Nobody knows the struggles that we all carry in our hearts–sickness, marriage issues, children away from the faith, job loss, the list can go on.  There may have been men there praying out of pure gratitude for all that God has given them.  Praise God! No matter the reason, when you see men trusting God and putting their life into the Lord’s hands, I think it can have a profound effect on a family and a faith community.

I pray that today is the day that we trust God to be who He says He is. I pray that we have the confidence in ourselves to bring others to Jesus in the unique way that God has called each of us to do that, and when we stumble, to get back up and trust that God will “make our reward great” in heaven. I pray that we can start to read the Scriptures as a personal message from God to our individual hearts and apply them to our marriages, our families, our workplace, our community, our churches and all of our relationships.

I am putting fear behind me and I am finally going to finish writing a book that I started two years ago.  If God wants me to bring others to Jesus in the way that he has called me to, then, I will finish this book.  Please pray for me.



Happy Easter-Love is the Reason!

He is Risen!  Alleluia!  These are joyous days!   We have to be careful that we don’t think that since Lent and Re-routing are over that it is time to get back to “normal” life.  “Normal” life, whatever that is,  is over.  Jesus has given us new life in Him and reasons not to be afraid!   Jesus said to his disciples (He says to us) in today’s Gospel,  “Peace be with you. But they were startled and terrified and thought that they were seeing a ghost. Why are you troubled? And why do questions arise in your hearts?  Look at my hands and my feet, that it is I myself.  Touch me and see, because a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you can see I have.” (Luke 24:36-39)

Jesus is standing with all of us. He never abandoned us.  He is standing in our homes and in our work place and and He is asking us to be a witness of what we have just experienced during this past Holy Week.  We were present for the Last Supper on Holy Thursday, we shared in his sorrow and passion on Good Friday, and we laid Him in a tomb on Holy Saturday.  But as night fell, we began to celebrate our awakening of the hope in the Resurrection.  We witnessed new disciples come into the church and declare that they wanted to be baptized with Christ and be brought into communion with the church through the Sacraments of Baptism, Holy Eucharist and Confirmation.  We were present there as witnesses and supporters of our new brothers and sisters in Christ.  On Easter Sunday, we rejoiced in the Resurrection as Jesus called us to a new life to be with Him forever and to bring others to Him.  Holy Week was a week full of emotions because we were there!  We felt and experienced all of it.

Every Sunday, we are called over and over again to share in the Last Supper, to renounce our sins and reflect on the passion, and to share in the Resurrection of our Lord by telling others of the difference He has made in our lives.  Easter allows us to commit again to be disciples of Jesus.  Every Sunday, we are called to commit again to be disciples of Jesus.  After Lent, we should be different.  After every Mass, we should be different.

Two years ago, my husband spent Holy Week in the hospital dying from cancer.  We intimately shared in the passion of our Lord that week.  Watching someone you love go through tremendous suffering  is unbearable and yet, through that suffering, you learn to love deeper.  On Easter Sunday morning, I arrived at the hospital after the sunrise Mass, to find out that he had fallen in the middle of the night and had broken his shoulder.  He wouldn’t let the hospital call me because he didn’t want me to worry and lose any more sleep.  “No greater love has a man, than to lay down his life for his friends.”  The kids and I  sat with him  as he told our doctor about how our Lord had risen today and had died for our sins.  I was so proud of Brian that day, and a little bit jealous that he could so freely express how much he loved God.  He was so happy and he spoke like an excited child.  The doctor, out of great respect, sat and listened to every word Brian said.   In that moment, all of our sins and wounds, both as a couple and as individuals were forgotten, and all I could see was this beautiful man who brought people to Jesus in his own way–in the way that God called him to personally do it.

There is no one right way to bring others to Jesus.  He has called each of us in our own unique way to spread the Gospel.  No one is exempt from the calling. There is no sinner that is exempt from the calling.   The calling is not just for priests and nuns.  The calling is for all of us–to go out and joyfully share the Gospel with everyone.  We are called to be “beautiful” as Fr. John said in his Easter Vigil homily (find it at because it attracts others to Jesus.

In these days of Easter,  let’s go out as true apostles and share the goodness, the Truth, the beauty and the ultimate reason for our joy!

Good and Gracious Father,

I find myself today filled with intense happiness.  I am grateful for the love you have for me. This was a Holy Week like no other. So often during Lent and Holy Week, the Evil One can get on my back and in my head, but not this year! Thanks be to God!  I am open to whatever you want me to do.  Let every celebration of the Eucharist be a reminder of your great love.   You are not a tyrant God. You are a God of love.  Help me to be a light to the world.  Help me to be the face of Jesus and to see the face of Jesus in everyone I meet. Rejoice! ! Christ is Risen! Alleluia! 

(I will be continuing this blog in some format–stay tuned!)




Week 13-Toll Road

Like every day, today’s Gospel is speaking to each of us.  “Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me.”  (Matthew 26:14-25).  He is not talking to the empty space in the pew next to me. He is talking to me and He is talking to you.  How often do we want to focus on the sins of others instead of our own sins?  I prayed the Sorrowful Mysteries of Mary with some friends at church this morning.  There was a time when I would have been embarrassed to admit that I have never prayed these before because I didn’t want to be judged by other “holier Catholics.”  I have learned over the years that there is no “select” group of Catholics.  We are all on the same journey, many of us with the same struggles.  The only difference I can see in people is whether we have each made a decision to be a mature disciple or not. To be a mature disciple, we all have to face our own sinfulness sooner or later and repent–sometimes, again and again. We all have to understand that we have been a Judas– we have been a betrayer.  I need to understand that every time I sin, I am pounding the nails into Jesus’ hands and feet.  Jesus is not a statue on a wooden cross.  Jesus came in the flesh and my sins have driven nails into His flesh. Think of the person you love the most, or maybe the person you don’t love the most.  Whether friend of foe, could you really drive nails into their hands and feet,  spit in their face, and mock them?  Are we really capable of this? The answer is “yes.”  And the appropriate response is:  “I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”  Jesus answers: “I forgive you”, even when we can’t.  This is love.  Forgiveness is the highest form of love. Everything else we think is love is not love.

Given that this week is Holy Week,  I can’t think of a better time to reflect on the price Jesus paid for our sins.  In Re-routing,  we were asked to divide our life into segments and write down all the sins from those time periods.  I have done my list and I am sure there are sins that I have forgotten, but it is amazing to me the sins you don’t forget.  I can remember sins from as early as the 4th grade when I made my friend eat a chocolate chip cookie made out of sand because I thought it was funny or stealing my best friends earrings because I wanted them.  As we have grown older, our sins most likely became more serious  or as we have matured, we have become more serious about our sin. The first pass at listing my sins was easy and made me cringe just to write them on paper.  The second pass I have yet to do, but, I am going to use this Holy Week to dig deeper. I have this hope every person who is still sitting on the fence about turning in their commitment card to live for Jesus, will make the decision to not just “check a box” to be a “holier Catholic”, but, instead will make a decision in their head and heart to be a missionary disciple.

Heavenly Father,

I am so undeserving of all the gifts that you have given me.  I can not properly express my gratitude for your mercy,  your love and your compassion.   Everything I have is a gift from you–my friends, my family, my money, my time, and my talents.   Why have you been so generous to me when I so often choose to put nails through the hands and feet of Jesus?  Forgive me, Lord.  I know that you love me.  I know that you did this for me. Give me the courage to surrender completely every day.  Give me the courage to listen to your voice.  The voice of a loving Father who doesn’t want me to despair, but wants me to  have hope in the Resurrection.  Help me to reject sin.  I choose to walk in the Light.  I choose to run back to you when I stumble because I know you will pick me up again and again.

For the rest of this Holy Week,  I pray for all the people in my life that are gifts to me.  I pray for each of them to know your love as a good Father. I pray that no matter how far away they are from you that they will come back to you.  Amen

Week 12-Border Crossing

“Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; anticipate one another in showing honor.  Do not grow slack in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer.” — Romans 12:9-12

Let love be sincere” This passage has been on my mind all week, although, I didn’t really know it. This was one of those weeks for me that was filled with a-ha moments, or God moments as I like to call them. One of these moments was last night watching the Passion of Christ at our church. Last time I watched the Passion of Christ, I was very focused on all that Jesus was enduring for me as a sinner, but as I watched it yesterday, I viewed it through the eyes of a mother, through Mary.  Perhaps all this talk of border crossing had me focused on Mary’s great trust in the Father and the amazing love she had for her son.   I could see the agony in Mary’s eyes as she watched her son being scourged, watched her son fall, watched her son suffer unimaginable pain and torture-“hate what is evil”  Yet, I also sensed an inner peace in her, a surrender that abandoned all control to our heavenly Father..“hold onto what is good”  

Often, it is uncomfortable to cross the border because we are afraid of what might be on the other side.  Maybe we are afraid of losing control of our life. Maybe we are afraid of what others will think of us.   As much as we think we know ourselves, God knows us better because he made us. He knows what we desire and what we need.  He gave those needs to us. He knows what I need and I trust Him.  Trusting God doesn’t mean I don’t do anything–trusting God means I actually might have to do things that make me uncomfortable. I actually might have to cross the border!  Trust can be hard  because we have all had human experiences that have weakened our ability to trust. “There is no fear in trust”—this is what I keep hearing and have been praying with all week. Through all the suffering that her son endured, Mary trusted.  From the day she immaculately conceived, she trusted. Till the day of the death of her son because of our sins, she trusted.

I long for that kind of trust. And I long for that kind of merciful love and sacrifice of Jesus within me. This Holy Week is like no other for me for many reasons. May this Holy Week be like no other for each of you so that we may all truly understand what love has done for us and the cost of that love to a Mother.  Our Lady of  Good Counsel, pray for us.

Lord,  I am so sorry for the times that I have not trusted in your love for me.  I am sorry for the times that I have withheld love from others.  There are only three things I want out of this life–to live in love, to live without fear and to prepare to spend eternity with you.   I know the only way I can do this is to “cross the border” and trust in you completely with reckless abandon. I know your love for me is sincere–there are no masks. Lord, you sent your Son  to pay the ultimate price for my sins. With arms wide open, He became vulnerable on the cross for me.  Lord, teach me to be vulnerable and open to the love of Jesus.  Mary, guide me through your Son and help me to show my children this sacrificial love. Jesus, you have re-routed my life for the better and have put me on a path that you have chosen for me.  You know what I am afraid of and yet I trust. Allow the Holy Spirit to enter me like never before.  Thank you, God.  Jesus I trust in you. Amen




Week 11- Do Not Enter

I sat in church this past week to be alone with Jesus. Our church has a large, beautiful, life-like crucifix in the sanctuary. To me, it is one of the most beautiful crucifixes in this area. I often find myself sitting in front of it to re-center myself. I also wanted to see if I was ready to place my card in the urn! For those of you who do not belong to Our Lady of Good Counsel, the card we received a few weeks ago at Mass says this:
“I, ____________, a repentant sinner, decide today, __________, to surrender the ownership of my life to the good Father. I renew the vows of my baptism to renounce Satan and to follow Jesus Christ more deliberately than I ever have before. Jesus, I give You my heart that You may forever set it on fire for love of You and for others. Keep my heart pure with Your perfect love so that I may entrust myself totally to You. Jesus, please use me that I might bring “one more” to You.”

I held my card for a while and I felt like I heard Jesus say, “There is no fear in trust.” How true is that? How can I have true intimacy with Jesus if I lack trust in Him? We could say the same thing about our relationships with each other. I started thinking about this: “what is the worst thing that could happen to me if I surrender completely to Jesus, if I completely trust in Him?” There is no one that loves me like this and so I could not think of anything. And, I immediately got up and put my card in the urn.
I also have realized something. In my post last week, I said I had a fear of failure. Surrendering to me means not only putting my life in Jesus’ hands, it also means (wrongly) that, all of a sudden, I need to become perfect. But, as the card says, Jesus wants the repentant sinner. Jesus knows who we are, and yet, He still wants a relationship with us. He wants to share His mercy with us and in return, He wants us to reject sin because He loves us. He wants us to be happy and to keep our life rightly ordered—however we need to do that. Do you ever look at a little child and watch them laugh and giggle? How can they do this so freely? I think it is because their hearts are pure. God delights in this kind of happiness. “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). What the world thinks matters not. Our only job is to give glory to the Lord in all that we do—in our work and in our play.
As God would have it that day, I ended up reading this: “Just as we should not make good resolutions without counting on God’s help to keep them, by the same token we should not view our failures without considering God’s mercy at the same time, for as God is the only One who can help us persevere in good, so He alone can raise us up from Evil” (Divine Intimacy, p. 310).
This is good news! And, the Saints knew this, not because they were holier than any of us but because they were exactly like us and CHOSE to stay close to God in all things—even in sin, failures and temptations. The decision. Our decision. We have to eventually make one. Either we are with Him or we are without Him.

Heavenly Father,
You have shown me so much this week. You send lifeboats when we think we are sinking, but sometimes we don’t recognize the gift of the rescue. You are an amazing God who loves to shower His children with blessings. Protect my mind from the lies of the devil that I am not lovable, that You don’t want me. Help me to laugh like a child, to love like a child and serve you and others like a mature disciple. Let my work be my work and my play be my play and let them both give honor to You. Help me to always hear your voice. As we get closer to Holy Week, my heart feels heavy for all the You have endured for me, yet, I have hope in the Resurrection! Thank you for giving me life! Thank you for my children. Thank you for opening doors. Amen.

Week 10-One Way

Psalm 56:3- “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”

A couple of weeks ago, Fr. Pierre’s homily took us through some of the non-negotiables of being a disciple. I can’t help but think about how we can compartmentalize our lives–how I can compartmentalize my life. I still haven’t turned in my card–not because I don’t think I am a disciple. I haven’t turned my card in because I am not sure I have been the disciple God has called me to be and I want to take more time to pray on some areas of my life. Most areas of my life I have given to God. A few, I have not been able to give up the reins. I know what they are and some days I give them to God and some days I take them back. In the areas that I take back, I know this is where I can have the greatest impact in making disciples of others. And, I, as a disciple, am called to help make more disciples. This card has given me the opportunity to intentionally reflect on where I need to grow in maturity as a disciple. I don’t want to be a check the box disciple– I have done that in my life already. As a widow, I know I can help other widows/widowers know Jesus, as well as anyone who is faced with a life transition. I am even confident in the way that Jesus wants me to do this. I just haven’t done it out of fear of failure. I think re-routing has been chipping away at my fears. Loving God has never been risky, but accepting that God loves me no matter what–that has always been hard for me until recently. That’s because I am trusting Him more. God has allowed me to catch a glimpse of the happiness He brings when I allow Him to love me, when I live as a true disciple in the unique way (as a widow) that he is calling me to do that right now. I am praying that we can all find what God is calling us to do to bring more of our brothers and sisters to Him.

Heavenly Father,

I know you know all my fears, all of my doubts, all of my hopes and all of my dreams. I also know that you have your own hopes and dreams for me. I am pretty sure I know what they are because I have spent enough time talking to you about them! Help relieve my fears so that I might hold nothing back when it comes to bringing others to you. You have started great work in me–you have started great work in all of us. Allow me to let go of all that is not from you. In theses last few weeks of re-routing, help me to be intentional in contemplating what you are asking of me. Don’t let me stand on the sidelines. Give me the courage to get in the game and play it well. Brian, I ask for your intercession as you know me like God knows me. Tonight I pray for our nation. I pray for all of my friends and family. Tonight I pray for a special intention. Please hear my prayer. Amen.

Week 9-You-Turn

Blogging about Re-routing has forced me to look at these past 9 weeks and look at myself in ways that have stretched me. It is so easy to go through the motions of this life. If you want to live this life as an intentional Christian, it is impossible to just go through the motions and be successful. The Christian life is hard. It involves a decision. My will makes it hard. Every day it is hard because of the world we live in. I was talking to someone after daily Mass last week and she said that when you follow Jesus your family tends to think you are crazy and that there is something wrong with you because you need Jesus so bad. I can totally relate. Honestly, it would be much easier to live the way the world wants me to live–to just soak up all the good times I can, to not worry about whether I am going to heaven or hell, to live for myself, to only worry about the next restaurant I am going to, or the next shopping trip. That would be easy to do in this world, but it is so unfulfilling to me. I know that the world could numb me with counterfeit relationships, and material pleasures, but I want so much more. There is not true happiness living this way. I often hear this in prayer–“You can do this the world’s way, or you can do it MY WAY.” Fr. Prentice challenged us in his homily to surrender to Jesus unconditionally “no fine print, no hidden clauses.” We were given cards to make a commitment to surrender our lives to Jesus. I get what Fr. Prentice said, “Love cannot be forced. We have free will-that’s the way love works.” No one will force us to turn in a card. No one can force us to love, just as no one can force us to be wicked. We can decide. Will I turn in my card? I will because I believe in the love of a heavenly Father that is pure and true. I believe He wants what is best for me, and, I believe He allows me to struggle so I might grow. I don’t want to go through the motions of life–I want to be intentional and I want to surrender.

At an Alpha course that we have for engaged couples in our parish, we talked this week about how God guides us. One thing I felt compelled to share with these couples is that there are actually 3 people in this relationship-the man, the woman, and God. When a couple can surrender to each other in goodness and surrender to God at the same time, life is good. There is peace. I know this from experience. Does it mean that there are no challenges in life? Of course not! It just means that there is Someone walking the path with me–always–who is loving and merciful, who knows all my pains and wounds and who wants me to be happy. That’s exciting and it is worth the struggles because when you desire what is real, and what it is pure, there is an interior freedom that comes from living in union with God.

Tonight I pray that we will all choose, even if it is for the first time, to make that U-turn and to give all of ourselves to God.

Dear Lord,

Another day with moments of grace and moments of weakness. Some days I wish I wasn’t so aware of Your Presence because I am so often convicted of my sin. But when I sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament and you take me as I am, with all of my sins and failings, I get rejuvenated with the love you have for me. Your Spirit fills me when I live in accord with you. Help me to always choose to live in union with you and when I don’t, help me to recover quickly, because I can’t bear to not be near you and close to you. My days go better when I am aware of you. I realize how often I can get lazy when life gets overwhelming or when I don’t start the day with you on my mind and heart.

Tonight, in a very special way, I ask for the intercession of Mary, our Mother, to pray for all of the engaged couples in our Alpha group. May Mary show them the way to your Son as the reason for hope in marriages in this world. May they receive courage to withstand the temptations of the culture. I ask all of this your great name. Amen

Bridge Restored-Week 8

Last night before the Deeper Dive of Re-routing, I had several people tell me that I was behind on my blogs!   I am a little behind, mostly because life happens and I don’t take  the time to pray about Re-routing on a strict schedule like I should.   So, this morning was the first time I got to spend  time reading all of the Scripture verses from Week 8.  Just when life starts stressing me out, I realize that God’s timing is always perfect. Week 8 is all about the Bridge being restored–about understanding why Jesus became flesh, why Jesus walked this earth among all of us, why He ate with sinners, why He died for us as sinful creatures.  He did this because of only one thing– because He loved us.  And, He still loves us, even with everything that we have done or are doing right now. He is waiting for us and those we love, not just to come back to church, but to come back to Him. There is nothing that gives God more pleasure than to see His children come back home.  His arms are wide open–waiting.

I know personally that He waits.  I know that He wants to restore bridges.  He desires to restore bridges more than we give Him credit for.  I know where I was in college and the things I was doing.  Yet, I still went to church.  When I look back, how in the world could I go to church and still continue to live the way I did? I did it because I didn’t know Jesus–I knew a building. Jesus is not a building. So, here’s the good news!  My past, my sins, actually brought me back to Jesus!  Don’t take this wrong, but I tell people all the time, that I am grateful for my past sins because they have brought me where I am today. Am I completely free from sin?  Of course not. But, now I struggle, I “wrestle”, with the Lord walking right by my side.  I am dealing with life WITH Him.  He is holding my hand.  He is holding me close.  I promise you He is not just doing this for me–He wants to do this for all of us.

This last year, God has personally brought “doors” in my life, both in prayer, and, in reality, and even in several different visions that I wish I would have written down now.  I know God has been talking to me, but, this morning, I feel like I received confirmation about what  He has been trying to say to me.  I have much to share on this, but right now,  let me say that I have had doors of mercy, I have had closed doors, I have had open doors–I even have had troubles with doors.  Until this morning,  I have only thought about these doors as circumstances or things that I am supposed to do or not do, until I read John 10:7-11.  “So, Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I AM THE DOOR of the sheep.  All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not heed them.  I AM THE DOOR: if any one enters by me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”   How often have we heard the last part of this passage?   Today, God wanted me to hear the beginning of that passage as well.  And, I think he wanted me to share this.    All of us have the opportunity to come back to Jesus, and  all of us have opportunities to bring Jesus to others.  Doors do several things:  They give us access, they can protect us, they can lead us home or they can keep us locked away. Don’t be afraid of Jesus, as the Door.  He doesn’t want us to live in fear of Him–he wants to give us access to Himself and He wants to protect us from the lies of the devil.  It is never to late to allow Jesus to restore  our bridges and to bring us Home.

Heavenly Father,

Thank you, thank you, thank you for constantly being there.  You are always present.  Always.  I am grateful for the peace that only you can bring.  Today I am reminded that I need to be  more attentive to your workings in my life and to constantly dig deeper.  Thank you for the people you have put in my life. Thank you for the open doors, the closed doors, and your doors of mercy.  I love you, Jesus. You continue to show me what love is.  Thank you for the mercy that you have always extended to me.  Let me always be merciful to those who need it most. Help me to be a “door” to others so that through me, people will come to know You. Amen.




Bridge Out-Week 7

I remember when my husband was still alive, he would say “why do you always say you are wrestling with God?” The short answer to this is I am very aware that Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me.”  (John 14:6-11). Jesus didn’t say a few lucky sinners would slip through the cracks, or several might get a free pass.  No, Jesus said, NO ONE comes to the Father except through Him.  So, this is why I wrestle because I know this Truth and, yet, I often still want to have “my will be done”.  I want to say “yes, with these conditions.”  If we are honest, we all do this to one degree or another.  We want to be God and when we play God, we stop trusting God because we think we know better.  We allow sin to slowly creep into our life and if we are not careful, we end up completely rebelling against God.

When I think about wrestling with God, I have this image of Jesus standing firmly planted, strong in appearance, and me, beating on His chest, asking lots of questions, like “Why?” “Why do bad things happen? Why did you do this to me? Why can’t I just have things my way?”  I am completely okay with wrestling with God. For me, it is a necessity in my life. The alternative to wrestling with God, is wrestling with the devil, and I don’t want to go there. My personal image of the devil is a Jim Carey-like figure (no offense, Jim Carey) who gets you into trouble and then when things have become a mess, he slowly tiptoes out of the room, with a Cheshire cat grin, saying: “Wow, you have really made a mess out of your life, gee, look at the time, I’ve got to go!” Don’t mess with the evil one. He is very real.

We live in a society where sin has become glamorous, acceptable and in a lot of cases, just normal and expected. We have forgotten the seriousness of sin–we have forgotten that NO ONE comes to the Father through sinning. The only way to the Father is through Jesus, most especially through the Sacrament of Reconciliation and sincere repentance.  Sin ruins our relationship with God and others. We see this in Genesis 3.

I can’t remember if it was this week of Re-Routing or not, but one of our priests said you are either walking toward the darkness or you are walking toward the Light.  I understand this. It is so easy to get re-routed in the wrong direction!  It can be so easy to turn away from God if we are not on guard. Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil.” Ephesians 6:11.  I talked about this with my kids this week.  We talked about saying things to each other that hurt each other. When we do this, we are not only hurting each other, we are hurting God.  When we don’t seek forgiveness from each other, we end up continuing a pattern of saying things that we don’t mean.  We let the devil take over our interactions.  If we seek forgiveness from each other and say we are sorry, we are walking toward the Light.  We are interrupting the destructive path of the devil.   If we hold onto grudges or bitterness toward each other, we are walking toward darkness.  I pray this week we can all help each other walk towards the Light.

From my prayer journal:

Heavenly Father, I often wonder why things happen the way they do.  I often forget that you have your hand in everyone’s life, not just mine—even when we are in sin, you are right there waiting for us to turn back to you.  Thank you for all the times in my life when you have been so patient with me.  Thank you for loving me through the bad times.  Thank you for taking on my sin, not only once in a while, but every time!  Please do not grow weary of me because I am still a sinner in need of a Savior. Help me to never forget the seriousness of sin because I want to live free and I long to live in union with You. I want to love purely—forgive me for the times I have failed to do this.  Give me the strength and courage to stand up against the games of the devil.

 I pray for those who are in spiritual battle even if they don’t know it. I pray for my parish family that we will stay close to you through prayer so as to build a fortress to protect us from the attacks of the evil one.  Help us to know that we are worthy of your love and there is nothing that we have done, that will make you abandon us, if we would just let you into our life fully and completely, and without hesitation. Please bring us closer to being the missionary disciples you have called each one of us to be. We need you.



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